never settle

My father once said to me a long time ago, "Corey, someday you are going to have to settle."  I looked at him in awe and said, "Why should I have to?"  I wondered what he meant and asked him, "Are you saying you settled for my mother?"  Because she's one hell of a woman.  I love both of my parents dearly and respect them entirely but I don't necessarily agree with all of their beliefs.  You may wonder why I'm writing such a thing now.  I happened to pick up a book from the library called "This I Believe II" and opened the page this morning to a short story, "A marriage that's good enough."  It made me think of that conversation I had with my father many years ago. 

In Corinne Colbert's piece she writes -

"My husband is not my best friend. He doesn’t complete me. In fact, he can be a self-absorbed jerk. We’re nearly polar opposites: He’s a lifetime member of the NRA who hates journalists, and I’m a lifelong liberal with a journalism degree. On the other hand, he doesn’t beat or emotionally abuse me. He doesn’t drink or chase other women. He’s a good provider. So I’m sticking with him.

Some people would call that “settling,” like it’s a bad thing. But I believe in settling.

Settling, in my sense, is about acceptance. I’m a pretty happy person, in large part because I’m honest with myself about what I have.  

Of course, some situations are worth improving. If your weight jeopardizes your health, exercise and change your eating habits. If your job makes you truly miserable, find a new one. If your marriage is toxic, end it. Chances are, though, you probably have what you need: a roof over your head, food on the table, a job that pays the bills, and family and friends. If you’re unhappy, ask yourself: Am I unhappy because I really don’t have what I need, or because I just want more?"


Corinne brings up some good points in her piece that I can relate to, however, not whole-heartedly agree with.  Bottom line, I have never settled.  I would rather be single and alone the rest of my life than to settle for a less than worthy companion that lacks the gumption or fulfillment to be my partner.  It's a tall order for most.  This I know, I have been single my whole life and quite alright with that.  It's been a rich and interesting life and I have many stories to tell (maybe when I've passed).  When I say single, I haven't been married.  I've had long-term relationships, I've been in love more times than I can remember, but not until this partnership do I know deep down in my bones, in my soul, that this is the one and we can both agree.  I'm so glad I didn't settle and I learned to trust my own intuition, my own inner-knowing and faith that someday, my partner and I would meet and we would just be our true selves, with no exception.

Am I settling?  I think not.  I have never wanted to depend on anyone, a big home, a rich man or a fancy car.  What I did want was an honest, kind, loving, compassionate man who's healthy, courageous, creative and possibly loves good food and finally ... the universe listened!  Believe me, I made my intentions clear on several occasions.   Gratefully, we have a wonderful, rich life, full of love, creativity, activity, common interests and beliefs, and wonderful community.  We live simply, even though we may not be financially rich, yet we are wealthy in love, trust and support. 

I never knew what I was missing until our love started unfolding.  George is the best thing that has happened to me and for that we both agree that we are better together.


I think my father can now agree with my belief system in "not settling." My dad's name happens to be George too and ironically, my grandmother was married to a George!  There are no coincidences.  I believe my ancestors willed us to meet to make this world a better place.  We make a great team.  My father says he's happy that I'm happy.  My mom loves George too!  We all do.



Here's my folks who celebrated 51 years together in August!  I am so blessed to have them in my life.  Their love, commitment and faith has been my example.  I almost lost both of them to a freak accident the end of August and thankfully they are both doing well along with their friend.  Truly blessed. 

Love is the answer.  Believe, hope and dream.  I'm telling you anything is possible.  Hug the ones you love, mend a quarrel, forgive someone.  Hug them and tell them you love them.  Life is precious and it's truly a gift.  Cherish every moment and don't hide your light under a bushel.




Comments

  1. I love this Corey and whole heartedly agree. I settled, and my soul suffered. It is not a mistake I will make twice. I am healthier and happier and just "well" by myself, exploring other loves- love of nature, my children, people in general, animals, myself. You are indeed an inspiration and I am so glad we are reconnected. - Kelley W

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    1. I'm so happy for you Kelley, that you decided to connect with your true self. I'm glad we reconnected as well! Keep doing what you love! I enjoy all of your photos and seeing you and your family. =)

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  2. Awww...this mad me cry but in a good way.

    The world we live in places expectations on women (and men) to have their lives fit into a certain timeline and way to live. I have been blessed to be surrounded by people that march to their own drum and make no apologizes for it - all of them have a LOVE that runs deeper than anything that can be felt on a human level. Their souls know the love and it shines through every part of their being. Settling I feel is when you just want the status quo - choosing to not settle is scary but is the bravest thing a person can do for themSelves.

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    1. It is a scary place to be sometimes not to settle. I've been in situations where it's comfortable to stay in many ways, but my soul was urging me to go it alone. Not that that person wasn't good enough or that they weren't loving and kind, we just ultimately weren't the best match. When you give yourself the opportunity to be alone, you tell the universe you are available for your greatest good. The opportunities are endless and a tremendous gift. Thank you Sarah.

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